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Pinoy Joke Collections

1. Bitoy: Dagul, bakit ang pandak mo?
Dagul: Kasi, bata pa lang ako, ulila na ako.
Bitoy: Anong kaugnayan nun sa pagiging pandak mo?
Dagul: Sira pala ulo mo! Wala ngang nagpalaki sa akin!

2. Juan: Pedro, nasaksak ako! Walang hinto ang tagas ng dugo. Please, call
me a nurse. Call me a nurse, bilis!
Pedro: Sige, you’re a nurse! Nurse ka Juan! You’re a nurse! Nurse kah!

3. Nakatakas si Erap, FVR at GMA sa mga terorista at nagtago sa mga sako sa
isang farm…
Terorista1: Anong nakita mo dyan?
Terorista2: Mga sako lang.
Terorista1: Tingnan mo ang laman!
Sinipa ng terorista ang unang sako, “Meow”, sabi ni FVR!
Terorista2: Pusa!
Sinipa ang pangalawang sako, “Aw aw!” sabi ni GMA!
Terorista2: Aso!
Sinipa ang ikatlong sako… Walang tunog kaya sinipa uli ito ng sinipa
ng terorista.
Dahil sa sakit ng sipa, napasigaw na si Erap. “Patatas!”

4. GMA n her family riding an airpLane GMA: Wht if I throw 1 check wrth a million pesos out of d window 2 make at least 1 PiLipino hapi? Mike A: Honey , why nt throw 2 cheks worth half a million pesos 2 make 2 Pilipinos hapi? Luli A: Mom, y not throw 4 cheks wrth quarter of a million 2 make 4 Plpinos hapi? Fnaly her grnddaughter spoke: Grandma, y nt simply THROW YOURSELF out of d window 2 make ALL PiLipinos hapi?

5. Son: Itay, pinagalitan ako ng titser ko!
Dad: Bakit?
Son: Hinalikan ko po ang seatmate ko.
Dad: Tong anak ko, manang mana. Hehehe. Eh, masarap ba?
Son: Opo, pogi po sya eh.

6. Sa loob ng simbahan ng Quiapo, isang batang pulubi ang mataimtim na nanalangin sa Diyos.
Pulubi: “Panginoon kung maaari po sana ay bigyan ninyo ako ng sampung piso dahil gutom na gutom na lang po ako.”
Narinig sya ng isang pulis na kasalukuyan ding nagsisimba at bumilib sya sa katatagan ng bata sa pananampalataya sa Diyos. Sa kanyang habag ay dumukot sya ng limang piso at iniabot sa bata na ang sabi: “Amang, narinig ng Diyos ang panalangin mo at heto tanggapin mo ang perang ito at ibili mo ng pagkain”.
Tumingala ang bata sa pulis, kinuha nya ang limang pisong iniabot at muling yumuko para manalangin: “Panginoon, salamat po sa pagdinig ninyo sa aking panalangin, pero sana naman po sa uli-uli wag na ninyong pararaanin pa sa pulis, kasi malaki na ang bawas”.

7. Sa Isang Jeep
Pasahero: Mama, Magkano Po Yung Pasahe?
Driver: 7.50 Yung Minimum
Pasahero: (Dumukot Ito Sa Bulsa Para Kunin Yung Pera Niya, Ngunit sa Di Sinasadyang Dahilan Kulang Yung Pamasahe Niya.) Patay, Kulang Yung Pera Ko. Paano Kaya Ito? (Nag Isip Ito At Lumingon Sa Driver. Napansin Niya Na Duling Ito. Sabi Niya Sa Kanyang Sarili, Tama Duling Yung Driver Sigurado Pag Nagbigay Ako Ng 3.75 di Niya Mapapansin Na Kulang Yung Pera Ko. Kasi Doble Yung Paningin Nito. Inabot Niya Sa Driver Yung Pera.
Ngunit Laking Gulat Niya Nung May Sinabi Yung Driver Sa Kanya.
Driver: Kulang Ito!
Pasahero: Anong Kulang? Di Ba Sabi Mo 7.50 Yung Minimum?
Driver: Oo Nga 7.50 eh Dalawa Kaya Kayo.

8. an arab was interviewed at US chekpoint
name pls?
arab:abdul aziz
interviewer:sex?

arab:6x a week
interviewer:i mean male or female
arab:doesn’t matter, sumtyms even camel
interviewer:HOLY COW!
arab:yes, cow, and dogs too!
interviewer:oh dear!
arab:deer? no deer! dey run fast!

9. I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and
I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing
bothering me … it was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very
tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She
would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I
always got more than a pleasant view of her private
parts. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when
she was near anyone else.

One day “little” sister called and asked me to come
over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone
when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had
feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t
overcome.

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just
once before I got married and committed my life to her
sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a
word. She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and
if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get
me.”
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go
up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off
her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I
stood there for a moment, then turned and made a
beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing
outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and
said, “We are very happy that you have passed our
little test…..we couldn’t ask for better man for our
daughter. Welcome to the family.”
And the moral of this story is : Always keep your condoms in your car.

……………… to be regulary updated :-)

April 26th, 2010 | Category: Pinoy Talk

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